It is widely understood that the state of a person’s mind depends upon his attitude to people and objects present and to the events occurring around him. There is also a well-known saying: “you cannot change events, but you can change your attitude towards them.” Yet when actual situations arise, attitudinal change is difficult because of the mind-set already formed.

Attitude is determined by prides and prejudices, desires and ambitions, priorities and preferences, needs and compulsions. These, in turn, are influenced by habits and addictions, learnings and dependencies, beliefs and outlook, whims and fancies and a host of other factors. Pre-dispositions thus formed produce certain mental pulls and pushes which determine responses and reactions to external situations. That’s why attitudes towards the same event vary from person to person. New paradigms are called for to break the old mind-sets and create inner capabilities that can automatically take care of anything that comes your way.

The first fundamental attitudinal change for remaining ‘light’ always is to make a firm resolve to do so. As you think, so you become. The word ‘light’, in the spiritual sense, also means enlightenment that dispels the inner darkness of ignorance, illusion, doubt and confusion. This enables you to visualise things in their true form. As a result, deception is eliminated. Confidence and clarity change conditions of fear and anxiety into those of joy and happiness. From this follows the second attitudinal change: Consider life as a celebration and not as a struggle or war zone. Greetings and good wishes exchanged at celebrations are always a source of great joy and happiness. Likewise, to become a well-wisher of all is the easiest way to make your life a celebration.

At the root of your attitude lies your belief system. The greatest common basic flaw in today’s belief-system is body-consciousness, i.e. identifying yourself with the mortal body instead of the immortal entity called ‘soul’ that you truly are. This identity-crisis is the mother of all other crises. The eternal you—the soul—is a sentient entity, an imperishable point of light. Your original innate qualities are love, peace, happiness and bliss. As long as you remain established in the state of soul-consciousness and use your body as an instrument, you will remain light because, firstly, your very existence is that of being sentient light and secondly, your thoughts, words and actions will be in conformity with your innate qualities.

As it is made of matter, the body and its sense organs can only give sensual pleasures which are short-lived and dependent upon external factors. Body-consciousness leads to adoption of material values which affect the mind, destroying the pristine purity of your innate qualities and, in fact, of the entire thought-process. As a result, jealousy, hatred, anger and other types of negativity lead to unrighteous thoughts and wrongful actions. Negativity produces waste thoughts and increases the number and speed of your thoughts. This dilutes the quality of thoughts, and consequently, the quality of life. Waste thoughts produce attitudinal maladies like doubts, apprehensions, fear, etc. and take away from all the zest and zeal of life. This results in lethargy and laziness. In this way, negativity weakens the mind and it becomes prone to external influences.

Self-realisation or soul-consciousness on the other hand brings home the truth that the soul’s original qualities of love, peace, happiness and bliss are all non-material, like the soul itself. Even the negative traits or perversions like ego, anger, hatred, jealousy or the stresses and strains produced by these vices are non-material in nature. Hence, the required corrective action in this respect has essentially to be taken at the level of your basic beliefs. An inner journey is therefore an essential pre-requisite for enjoying a happy external journey through this life and beyond.

Self-realisation enables you to easily let go of the past. Instead of regretting, it enables you to gain valuable experience from past mistakes and increase your powers of tolerance and patience. When one begins to learn from mistakes, the meaning of the saying ‘everything happens for the best’ becomes clear. Mistakes are not repeated. Attention helps avoid tension. Reduction in waste thoughts improves the quality of thoughts.

Will-power is the aggregate of all your inner powers like tolerance, discrimination, judgement, concentration, and co-operation. The will of a person with a good reservoir of inner powers shall always prevail. Hence, the saying ‘where there is a will, there is way.’ Strong will-power enables you to transform a situation of possible failure into that of success—just as in a game of cricket, a good batsman converts a dangerous looking ball into a four-er or six-er by a mere flick of his bat. Strong will-power not only protects you from adverse outside influences, it empowers you to exert influence on the external environment; much in the same way as rose seed produces fragrant roses even from a heap of foul-smelling rubbish. Zeal and enthusiasm is a natural outcome of success and becomes, in turn, the motive power for further success. Moving from success to success will always keep you in good spirits. This is the formula to remain light and happy under all conditions and circumstances.

How to increase will-power? It is not a physical power to be acquired by any material means. Wasteful and negative thinking have to be eliminated to increase will-power. The dilemma, however, is that they arise when will-power is weakened, whereas it takes strong will-power to destroy them. So, how to go about it? Just as negativity reduces will-power, it is positive thinking that generates it. Inculcation of virtues like humility, contentment, detachment and compassion, a simple life-style, good company, purity of food and becoming a well-wisher of all will help you do that.

The story of the lion is a bit like many of our stories. We too are often in a trance. We too seem to have forgotten who we really are. And because of this mistake, we have identified ourselves with different images and ideas. We have put on masks and have actually begun to believe that we are these masks. Of course it is impossible to be happy if you are a lion and live like a sheep. The secret of getting to know yourself is that there is something inside you that is totally different from what you pretend to be.

The only way to get to know this real self is through thorough research. Most people don’t have time for this. Or should I say that they don’t make time for this? That’s the beauty of time: you can make it! During my research I came up with four things that are of vital importance. The first is silence. The second is the relationship with myself. Third is the relationship with the Supreme and finally comes my relationship with those around me. It is actually important to think of them in this order. We usually approach them the other way around. We are very concerned about the relationships we have with others, some of us think about God, few think of their inner self and hardly anyone has a relationship with silence.
My inner journey started with the wish to break through this vicious cycle of running around; with trying to ‘just be’ for a change. The first few years in meditation weren’t easy. I found it hard to relax and couldn’t sit still. My creative mind kept racing. It was actually my body that came to my rescue and forced me to sit—or rather lie—still. Slowly but surely my mind accepted defeat; and while the white flag was hoisted, the silence set in.

It takes time to get used to being silent and doing ’nothing’. I remember one morning sitting on the sofa —meditating—when one of the neighbors passed by the window. Before I knew it I had picked up a magazine and pretended to be reading. For so long I had lived with the idea, “I do, therefore I am.” I was afraid that the neighbors would think that I was doing nothing. But I was even more afraid of that inner voice, the Inner Critic, who had been pushing me beyond my limits for many years. Now that my mind was becoming more silent, I became more aware of this inner voice. It took me some time to understand what this inner criticism does, how destructive it is.

Many people mistake criticism for intellectualism; they think it is good to have an opinion about everything and to judge others. But I have found that it is actually a very negative habit. It hurts others, but above all you hurt yourself with this kind of negative judgment. I think it derives from the wrong notion of perfectionism. Perfectionism is not the same as perfection, in the sense of completion. ‘Being complete’ means: being whole with all powers and virtues inside the self. Perfectionism is something different. Perfectionists try to control people and situations so that nothing goes wrong. They want everything to be smooth and can’t handle a ripple in the pond. Instead of being focused on the beauty of life they are obsessed by the shortcomings and imperfections of themselves and others. They continually correct themselves and others—sometimes in words, always in thoughts.

Now I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try to make things better and strive for perfection. After all, we all come from that state of inner harmony and wholeness. So, it is only natural that we would want to return to that state once more. But the projected anger at having lost your own perfection is not going to bring this wholeness back. In fact it creates a lot of problems in relationships. It is not easy to face, or even see, your own shortcomings. It is easier to see this in others and so the Inner Critic lashes out at others. And there is always something: the way someone dresses, talks, behaves … there’s no end to it. But what we are actually doing is criticizing our own behaviour

The way to get to know the Inner Critic is to pay attention to your feelings: how do I feel about myself? How do I feel about other people? Recently my dentist told me that if he were to remove my mercury fillings, my feelings about myself would change. Isn’t it amazing that something like that can actually change the way we feel about ourselves? Feelings can change so rapidly and there is so much influence, that the best way to look at feelings is: They are just feelings. And one feeling leads to another. When you look behind all those feelings and emotions there is still you. It is like with anger: You can feel angry, but that doesn’t make you an angry person. It is good to separate your feelings from your self.
When I allow silence to enter my mind, I come to know who I am, deep down inside. I begin to understand my motivations. With myself I can be honest. I don’t need to fool myself. When I begin to listen to myself, it is possible to discover things which are different from what I was expecting to find. May be I am a very different person from whom I thought I was. May be I am a lion living in a sheep-trance. If I am, then the process of recognition and change begins. It can be a bit painful to destroy the self-created images of ourselves, but above all it is liberating. Of course people around us will say, “Hang on, that’s not who you are, that’s not how I know you.” They will try to pull you back. It takes courage to change. It can be painful to discover how little your friends and family really know you. But, actually, you can’t blame them. After all, it was you who has been misleading them by not showing your real self. You only showed them the mask.

We have identified ourselves with so many external things. People have different faces. Our identity is in the clothes we wear, the jobs we have, where we live and so on. Some people are completely different at work from at home. They show only a part of themselves at work. In a way they mislead their colleagues. In the Dutch State Prison I teach meditation to young men who are there because of drug related crimes. So, apart from their punishment, they are also addicts. Not an easy group of youngsters! They are offered psycho-therapeutic sessions to make them aware of the pain of their past. This is important, as they have tried to flee from the past by means of drug-abuse. After they are sober I get the opportunity to do meditation and positive thinking sessions with them. These boys have taught me so much about myself. They have nothing left to hang on to, nothing worth identifying with. Their friends and girlfriends don’t want to see them any more; often they have lost their teeth and hair. I talk to them about freedom imprisonment. They are always telling me, “What do you know about imprisonment? When you leave this place you are free.”

But what is freedom? Maybe I’m addicted to my work, my relationship or to negativity. These soul cages are prisons too. Some of us are locked up so tight, it’s like we have given ourselves a life sentence. I tell the inmates that I honestly don’t know who is more free, them or us outside. After all, they have all the time in the world to rethink their life. Away from the struggle of everyday life, it is a lot easier to change patterns. Some people even pay lots of money to spend time in a monastery or a private island just to get away from it all to straighten things out. When I tell those young men in prison that some people might even be a bit jealous of them, they laugh, but they understand.

They are also open to meditation. They love it. They lie down on the floor, hang in their chairs, sometimes they cry. For a few minutes they experience themselves as they really are. Sitting together in meditation makes you forget that you are in the same room with murderers or muggers. They also forget these things. We just sit together and forget the masks. We meet as souls. In therapy people often focus only on what went wrong. When I meet these boys I tell them, “Forget your past for a little while. Let’s see what qualities and specialities you still have left.” When they express some of these qualities, I remind them of these. I don’t remember their names, but I remember their qualities.

Forgiveness is a big issue to them. Only when they learn to forgive themselves can they let go of their false identity. They need to understand why they have been doing these things: not because they are bad people, but because of misunderstandings. Only then can they forgive and regain their self worth again.

Forgiving yourself means healing your heart. If you keep punishing yourself, you are still behind bars. You are still in prison. And because you are in prison, you imprison others as well. No one wants to be in prison on their own. We want company. If your identity is shame-based, you will look for others who have the same problem. You will always hurt one another. Hurt people hurt people. These projections on each other will keep going on until you heal yourself. And only when you heal yourself will you be able to heal others.

We have to understand that we are free. Souls are free. No one can encage us; we have chosen the cage ourselves. We have made ourselves into victims. And if we enjoy playing the role of victim there is always someone who is willing to play the role of victimiser—the bird and the cage. If we want to be free, my advice is: Don’t run away from your ‘cage’; don’t run away from the relationship(s) you are in, instead understand what’s going on and change yourself. To me this is honesty. And it is the only way to really free yourself. Don’t spend all your energy on trying to change others. It’s no use. All your energy will go into arguments, fights and repeating the same quarrels over and over again. Others will only change when they want to change, when they understand they have to change. Change comes from an inner motivation. But if we use our precious energy on changing ourselves, the chances are that the other will also change. It’s time to reclaim your soul.

Real relationships start with silence. Then you can begin to create a better relationship with yourself, then with the Supreme, then with others. The reason why relationships with others come last is because others never see in us what God sees in us. We often see ourselves through the eyes of others. So, if someone only sees 20 percent of who we are, we also only see that much. God sees us as we are, He sees our complete potential. If you learn to look at yourself the way God looks at you, you will begin to see your real you. If you learn to connect with the Supreme Being your pure feelings are being stimulated and enforced. It is so wonderful to be in contact with a being who is so close to your original nature. You feel so comfortable in the presence of someone who is soul conscious. You begin to relax, because you are being recognized. You don’t need to prove yourself any more.

I feel we are now in a time period in which people are beginning to understand these things. But we have to stop wasting energy and concentrate on what is really necessary. The practice of meditation is about learning to be uninfluenced, to be you, safe and protected in that pure energy. Meditation is about feeling your own soul-energy. Really feeling: this is me; that feeling that I am unique, I am special. Then the whole process is to express that energy in your daily life, in your relationships. But first you have to practice to feel it until you become stable in your true identity. When you begin to feel who you really are, there is no need to fight against addictions or people around you. In fact there is no need to fight at all. It is a very natural process. When we change our attitude, we will be able to change the world. You see, God needs help. He needs free minds.

In the care of the dying we are occasionally privileged to witness this potential. In the mid-seventies Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wrote a landmark book On Death and Dying. In this she outlined five stages of adaptation to a terminal condition, those of anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When the final stage of acceptance is manifest, we can see the example of the original nature of the soul emerge. And within this example is merged a mirror of opportunity; the opportunity to discover our true self.

About a year or two ago I was asked to speak to a group of hospice volunteers about spiritual aspects of care for the dying. During the discussion I talked about this state of acceptance. Not as one that simply acknowledges death but as one that engages that outstanding beauty of a soul. In the hope of a demonstration, I asked if anyone had ever witnessed such beauty at the time of a death.

One of the group, June, volunteered that she had. Her mother’s death had been like this, one of true acceptance, despite the fact that she lay there, withered and utterly dependant. “It was beautiful,” she said. “My mother was radiant with peace and the room just filled with her love. Everybody there was uplifted and happy by her company. She appeared so contented. It seemed as though she was surrounded in light…like an angel. I will never forget it. It was really special.”

It is wonderful, isn’t it, that such a grace can emerge at the time of dying? June and her sisters were with her mother when she was dying. I prompted June with a few questions. “Was your mother worried about any of you at that moment in time?” “No”, she said. “She knew we were there, but she was beyond concern about how we were feeling”.

“How about her looks and circumstances?” I asked. “Was she bothered by her appearance, or about the disease, and the fact she was dying?”.

“No…,” she paused. “…mum was at peace with herself. It was as if her body had ceased to exist. Only serenity remained, and there was no fear there at all.”

“How about all the problems of our world?” I asked. “Was your mom troubled by all the conflicts, deprivation and confrontation that are going on?” June laughed, entertaining a fleeting memory. “Oh, mum always had an opinion about everything. She used to get into a real state about it all. Really angry or really sad. But now you mention it…no, she wasn’t troubled at all. I guess she must have just let go of everything…,” she faltered, searching, “…she had let go of everything.”

This last statement had a profound effect on the room, the words were charged with positive emotions. There was pause, then a short silence that was full and unifying. The group vibration resonated with peace and harmony, as I measured the final question.

“In letting go of everything, just before she died, did your mother appeared to be carrying the burden of any of her life’s roles or responsibilities?”

“No, she had become completely free…completely free!”

In those final conscious moments of her life, June’s mother had become completely free. And liberated. Freed from all concerns of living. In the essence of her soul and ‘living spirit’; liberated—yet still occupying the wasted remnants of her physical body. As such, the soul stood naked and exposed, revealing her true and authentic self. I regard this to be fully manifest acceptance and would describe it as a state of grace. Or as one of true dignity. Most people feel that loss of dignity is attained where there is a dependency, or the need for help with their bodily functions. I believe this to be a misconception which reflects human ignorance. An ignorance born of body consciousness. While we will be exploring this concept further, June’s mother offers herself as living proof of this ignorance. In spirit she was graceful, and was revealing her true and original personality through liberation. The questions that I asked of June, were intended to explore four principle directions by which liberation leaves a soul free and vibrant. Liberation from the roles and responsibilities of a lifetime. Liberation from being affected by problems, in an increasingly complex world. Liberation from the material world, including the physical body, its diseases and appearance. And liberation from the attachments we form in a lifetime of relationships.

By liberation, June’s mother entered a state of being in which she was freed from the awareness of her body. She had become completely ‘soul conscious’. As such she naturally filled the room with a radiance of love, peace and acceptance. And those who were in her presence became happy and peaceful. I believe this to have reflected a return to her original condition. The condition she had before taking birth. That of a peaceful soul.

In witnessing this example we are seeing the establishment of soul-consciousness in the face of death. So one might ask, why is it we wait so long to find such serenity? And why do we have to be forced into submission—by death—before we can love and let go? Evidently it could be possible to do so in life and our volunteer’s mother is trying to show us this. The question is, “How”?

I have considered transformation to begin with enlightenment. And that enlightenment is bestowed as gift of awareness, requiring no endeavour on behalf of its beneficiary. When there has been recognition of the opportunity that enlightenment offers, then transformation can proceed. The difference now is that effort must be made. During enlightenment the individual’s experience is akin to that of June’s mother. Spiritual growth or transformation is about holding this love and light constantly. The effort required needs to be made in two directions simultaneously—towards the state of being; and towards the state of liberation. In fact both of these are intimately associated. The main effort is that of becoming soul conscious and free from dependencies. Liberated!
It represents a completely new identity.

In our volunteer’s mother this was attained in the face of death. Through the dying process she had become completely detached from all directions external to herself. External, that is, to her soul—the true or authentic self. In so doing she became a vessel of divine influence, radiating love, light and peace to those around her. She was detached from her family, yet they were experiencing love from her. She was detached from her family, yet they were experiencing love from her. Pure spiritual love. It seems a paradox, doesn’t it, that she had become both detached and loving? Totally unconcerned about anyone’s welfare. Yet loving and, quite effortlessly, meeting everyone’s need for peace and happiness. Her spiritual beauty came with the exposure of her soul. Through its nakedness, seeds of transformation were cast in a radiance of purity. And like a mirror she was revealing the true nature of soul to anyone who entered her presence. June had said, ‘It seemed as though she was surrounded in light…like an angel.” I think she was an angel.

By attaining grace, June’s mother had also revealed this aim and object of spiritual growth. That of becoming an angel. Or soul conscious. From this case it is evidently possible to do so. Her soul consciousness was state of awareness (or being) that served and uplifted others. She gave out an automatic, natural radiance of pure virtues. With a leaf from her book, as enlightened effort makers, we could transform ourselves. And become holistic, spiritual servers, whatever our social or professional roles. Where June’s mother was forced to do so by her circumstances of death, we have the opportunity to ‘embrace the light’ in accordance with free will. In giving us this example, she has afforded us this opportunity. An opportunity for even higher attainment than hers.

Where she found liberation and self-realization in death, we can do so in life. But we must first let go of fears and misconceptions. And understand paradox. To detach from those we love will transform the quality of that love into something divine and unconditional. Do we have the confidence to let go of relationships? And become merged in the divine love that will fulfil those relationships? Or is it that our fear is too great—that we will lose something? It is no easy thing to let go of a world you have come to depend on. But it is a wonderful thing to surrender your life to a higher power. For in surrender you become an instrument, where there is no burden on your shoulders. And you discover the delight of lightness in the service of humanity. I guess angels don’t get too worried about things. Then why should they? They are only God’s helpers after all.

June’s mother has given us a glimpse of the personal aim and objective within transformation or spiritual growth. And we have looked beyond enlightenment to the state of grace. Grace that beckons the soul to make effort to be itself, and to become free, liberate from body-consciousness. By this I mean to have a separate awareness from the physical body; and to be liberated from the four directions. Those of attachments, of responsibilities, of being affected, and of the material world.

We are now entering the individual’s journey. In doing so we will take care to remember that who ever travels this path enters a divine plan. Effort-making and self-transformation are inspired by a higher power. Enlightenment is a gift of higher power. And the motivation to take the journey is sustained from this divine source. We will also remember that the individual who journeys, contributes spiritual vibrations towards world transformation. Each one unique. Each one selected, each with a role to play.

Yet not one is special. For each is only rediscovering his or her true self, before allowing it to remain naked and exposed!

Roger Cole is a specialist physician trained in cancer medicine. He currently directs the Palliative Care Service in Australia